First, Flynny starts collecting new defenders like Pembs collects rare 50pence pieces, or like Stan Einstein collects enemies.

Then Mansfield get their revenge on OB for his performances against them in the play-offs last season, by sneaking into our club secretary's office and stealing the paperwork needed to fulfil his one game ban.
While they're in the office, they also steal our club secretary himself which means no-one remembers to pack our new away kit for the game at Cambridge or order the players' sandwiches for the journey.

Mo Touray was sent to find the secretary but took a wrong turn and got lost somewhere between Newport and Torquay. Labs also joined the search party but ended up in Burger King at Reading Services where Forest Green Rovers fans kidnapped him for (a) daring to eat meat and (b) turning down their contract offer last year. Labs eventually escaped but arrived in Cambridge too late and Haynes had to wear the skipper's armband for all of 7 seconds. Stevenage liked BK's burgers so much they took on a dare to wear a hideous BK-logo kit this season.

Flynny, our gaffer, famous for masterminding recent cup runs and praising our passionate fans, announces that he doesn't want a cup run this season, intends to play a second-string side in the cup at Gillingham and tells our fans he'd rather we stayed at home and didn't travel to support the team.

Touray is still missing, maybe the infamous club sec told him to report to Turkey for a loan spell, and not Torquay. Meanwhile, some of our most dedicated or at least vocal fans led by a former barrister begin pages of insane rants and bickering on this forum over whose fault it was that our players missed their pre-match snack on Saturday. I mean, it's not as if Dolan is going to waste away is it?!

Oh yes, nearly forgot..... Wilfred Bony turns up to train with County today.

The place is going mad, I fully expect Boris Johnson to rock up as our new Kitman on Saturday. We're all a couple of sandwiches short of a picnic.