Can we have a jokes thread?

If it ain't amber or ain't football then it belongs here!
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neilcork68

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Re: Can we have a jokes thread?

Postby neilcork68 » October 24th, 2019, 8:53 am

What do boobs and toys have in common ?








Both were designed for kids but Dads enjoy playing with them more
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neilcork68

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Re: Can we have a jokes thread?

Postby neilcork68 » October 24th, 2019, 8:55 am

Whats the difference with a woman with PMS and a terrorist ?








You can negotiate with a terrorist
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DeePeeNCAFC

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Re: Can we have a jokes thread?

Postby DeePeeNCAFC » October 25th, 2019, 10:35 pm

A woman walks into a bank with a fifty pound note stuck in each ear, and asks to see the manager.
The cashier goes to the manager's office and says...
"There's a woman to see you; she's £100 in arrears."
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DeePeeNCAFC

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Re: Can we have a jokes thread?

Postby DeePeeNCAFC » October 25th, 2019, 10:37 pm

Police are called after burglars broke into the Cardiff City trophy room. Police have put out an appeal, looking for anyone who's suddenly acquired a blue carpet and a set of shelves in 'new condition'.
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DeePeeNCAFC

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Re: Can we have a jokes thread?

Postby DeePeeNCAFC » October 27th, 2019, 4:02 pm

Have I told you about the time I tied my shoelaces using only the power of my mind?
Thought knot.
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DeePeeNCAFC

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Re: Can we have a jokes thread?

Postby DeePeeNCAFC » November 5th, 2019, 10:53 pm

My mate who has a stutter was telling us all about his nana.
By the time he finished, we were all singing Hey Jude.
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Re: Can we have a jokes thread?

Postby DeePeeNCAFC » November 5th, 2019, 11:00 pm

Took my kids to McDonalds for lunch the other day, girl behind the counter said "Sorry about the wait". Ever the diplomat I replied "Don't worry love, I'm sure you'll lose it eventually".
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Re: Can we have a jokes thread?

Postby DeePeeNCAFC » November 5th, 2019, 11:04 pm

I rang Southampton FC to ask what time do they kick off in their next home game. They replied "About every ten minutes".
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Re: Can we have a jokes thread?

Postby DeePeeNCAFC » November 5th, 2019, 11:07 pm

Went to a fancy dress shop today to get a Vampire Costume for a bonfire party, The girl behind the counter gave me a Cardiff City kit... I said.. "Sorry love, you mis-heard me, I want to look like a COUNT
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DeePeeNCAFC

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Re: Can we have a jokes thread?

Postby DeePeeNCAFC » November 5th, 2019, 11:30 pm

My mate said, "I like your car."

I said, "It's not very practical now we've got a baby."

He said, "How about I buy it off you."

I said, "Yeah go on then. Three grand?"

He said, "You've got yourself a deal."
I said, "Nice one... you're going to make a brilliant dad."
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