Can we have a jokes thread?

If it ain't amber or ain't football then it belongs here!
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DeePeeNCAFC

Re: Can we have a jokes thread?

Postby DeePeeNCAFC » February 20th, 2021, 8:24 pm

A man asked his wife “ what would you do if I won the lottery?” His wife replied “ I’d take half and pack my bags and leave you!” Great, he said I’ve won £12.00...... there’s £6, pack your bags, off you go.
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DeePeeNCAFC

Re: Can we have a jokes thread?

Postby DeePeeNCAFC » February 20th, 2021, 8:26 pm

I’ve just heard Sting has been kidnapped. The police have no lead.
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DeePeeNCAFC

Re: Can we have a jokes thread?

Postby DeePeeNCAFC » February 20th, 2021, 8:28 pm

National Diarrhoea Week starts on Monday, runs until Friday.
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Stan A. Einstein

Re: Can we have a jokes thread?

Postby Stan A. Einstein » February 20th, 2021, 10:18 pm

So this shark is swimming in the ocean and he sees a squid. "How you feeling?" asks the shark, "Fine" replies the squid. So the shark swims off. Half hour later the shark sees another squid. "How you feeling?" asks the shark. "Great" replies the squid. So the shark again swims off. Ten minutes later the shark sees another squid. "How you feeling?" asks the shark. "Dog rough" replies the squid, "must have been something I ate."
At this the shark grabs the squid in it's jaws and swims off to find his wife. He gives his wife the the terrified creature saying, "Here you are love, it's the sick squid I owe you."
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DeePeeNCAFC

Re: Can we have a jokes thread?

Postby DeePeeNCAFC » February 26th, 2021, 10:18 pm

It's amazing how a colon can completely change the meaning of a sentence
For example:
- Stan ate his friend's sandwich.
- Stan ate his friend's colon.
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DeePeeNCAFC

Re: Can we have a jokes thread?

Postby DeePeeNCAFC » April 7th, 2021, 10:03 am

N V B K I T H E K L O P F
I N V E N T O R Z S F O F
T H E E F G H J I O L P L
Y Q W O R D S E A R C H
H A S J P O D I E D G W
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mad norm

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In a Station Lane not as long as Warnhams

Re: Can we have a jokes thread?

Postby mad norm » April 7th, 2021, 10:39 am

DeePeeNCAFC wrote:N V B K I T H E K L O P F
I N V E N T O R Z S F O F
T H E E F G H J I O L P L
Y Q W O R D S E A R C H
H A S J P O D I E D G W

:bounce:
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llanwern exile

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Usually in the summerhouse since lockdown closed the milton.

Re: Can we have a jokes thread?

Postby llanwern exile » April 7th, 2021, 1:07 pm

Heard that all amazon drivers are being trained to give the covid vaccine, they should have the whole country vaccinated by sunday or friday if you have prime.
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Kairdiff Exile

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Our proud capital...

Re: Can we have a jokes thread?

Postby Kairdiff Exile » April 7th, 2021, 2:46 pm

llanwern exile wrote:Heard that all amazon drivers are being trained to give the covid vaccine, they should have the whole country vaccinated by sunday or friday if you have prime.

And if you're not in, they'll just leave the vaccine behind the bin.
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mad norm

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In a Station Lane not as long as Warnhams

Re: Can we have a jokes thread?

Postby mad norm » April 20th, 2021, 9:02 am

A snail slides into a bar and asks for beer. The barman just picked it up and chucked out the door.
A few weeks later the same snail went back,tapped the barman on the ankle and said "What did you do that for"" ?
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DeePeeNCAFC

Re: Can we have a jokes thread?

Postby DeePeeNCAFC » April 20th, 2021, 12:22 pm

mad norm wrote:A snail slides into a bar and asks for beer. The barman just picked it up and chucked out the door.
A few weeks later the same snail went back,tapped the barman on the ankle and said "What did you do that for"" ?


That’s so bad it’s actually quite funny
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