What’s the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi?

The people in Dubai don’t like the Flintstones but the people in Abu Dhabi do

All these people working extra hours making toilet rolls! do they get paid overtime or time in loo?

So I met this fella yesterday. He says to me'

"Stan I was a big pop star back in the 1980's, I sang Stand and Deliver."

I didn't believe him but he was adamant..

Adam Ant, oh please yourselves.

I had some sad news today. After 7 years of medical training, my good friend has been struck off after one very minor indiscretion.

He slept with one of his patients and now he can no longer work in the job he loves.

What a waste of time, training and money.

A genuinely nice guy, and a brilliant vet.

What's got 8 teeth and is 200 feet long?

The queue outside Cwmbran Asda today.

I don't have a lot of time for Cardiff City but have to say I warmed to them a little when I heard their act of generosity -

Apparently, the club have melted down all their trophies to provide the NHS with vital equipment. The Cardiff hospital trust have thanked the club for the new pair of tweezers

Rang up my local Indian takeaway last night and asked them if they deliver...





Imagine my shock when they said ,'' No Sir , we only do BEEF , CHICKEN or LAMB.....we have no call for LIVER at this time''

A guy and his date are parked out in the country away from town, when they start kissing and fondling each other. Just then, the girl stops and sits up. “What’s the matter?” asks the guy. She replies, “I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I’m actually a prostitute, and I charge £100 for sex.” The man thinks about it for a few seconds, but then reluctantly gets out two £50 pond notes, pays her, and they have sex.
After a cigarette, he just sits in the driver’s seat looking out the window. “Why aren’t we going anywhere?” asks the girl. “Well, I should have mentioned this before,” replies the man, “but I’m actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is £50.

neilcork68 wrote:A guy and his date are parked out in the country away from town, when they start kissing and fondling each other. Just then, the girl stops and sits up. “What’s the matter?” asks the guy. She replies, “I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I’m actually a prostitute, and I charge £100 for sex.” The man thinks about it for a few seconds, but then reluctantly gets out two £50 pond notes, pays her, and they have sex.
After a cigarette, he just sits in the driver’s seat looking out the window. “Why aren’t we going anywhere?” asks the girl. “Well, I should have mentioned this before,” replies the man, “but I’m actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is £50.

Neal,
That's the first joke of yours that me laugh. Only a little chuckle I grant you, but a chuckle nonetheless.

Had a painter & decorator round today. He’s a currently furloughed Virgin Atlantic Pilot.

He made a lovely job of the landing.....

traffic police in Liverpool pull over a local lad in his car for a spot check.

They were amazed to find the car was taxed, insured and had a valid MOT.

It wasn't stolen, there were no contaband goods or drugs found anywhere in the car.

The driver was stone cold sober and had a clean, full driving license.

He was given an on the spot £80 fine .... for wasting police time.

I think that I just heard some thunder, although the way 2020 is shaping up it could just as easy be Godzilla making his way down the M4.

Willthiswork wrote:I think that I just heard some thunder, although the way 2020 is shaping up it could just as easy be Godzilla making his way down the M4.

It was Doris....she suffers terrible flatulance after cauliflower cheese

Apologies

Their will be a minutes clap and applause for Dame Vera but.

"Don't know where or don't know when"

My local football team are so bad, I went to the turnstiles, handed over £20 and said 2 please. The attendant then said “ what do you want. Attackers or midfielders?”