Can we have a jokes thread?

If it ain't amber or ain't football then it belongs here!
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pembsexile

Location

Sunny and warm Pembrokeshire

Re: Can we have a jokes thread?

Postby pembsexile » March 28th, 2020, 7:56 pm

What’s the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi?

The people in Dubai don’t like the Flintstones but the people in Abu Dhabi do :grin: :cheers:
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llanwern exile

Location

Usually in the milton

Re: Can we have a jokes thread?

Postby llanwern exile » March 29th, 2020, 9:59 am

All these people working extra hours making toilet rolls! do they get paid overtime or time in loo?
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Stan A. Einstein

Re: Can we have a jokes thread?

Postby Stan A. Einstein » April 3rd, 2020, 1:24 pm

So I met this fella yesterday. He says to me'

"Stan I was a big pop star back in the 1980's, I sang Stand and Deliver."

I didn't believe him but he was adamant.. :grin:

Adam Ant, oh please yourselves.
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Elmo

Location

Swansea

Re: Can we have a jokes thread?

Postby Elmo » April 16th, 2020, 3:21 pm

I had some sad news today. After 7 years of medical training, my good friend has been struck off after one very minor indiscretion.

He slept with one of his patients and now he can no longer work in the job he loves.

What a waste of time, training and money.

A genuinely nice guy, and a brilliant vet.
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DeePeeNCAFC

Re: Can we have a jokes thread?

Postby DeePeeNCAFC » April 18th, 2020, 4:37 pm

What's got 8 teeth and is 200 feet long?

The queue outside Cwmbran Asda today.
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DeePeeNCAFC

Re: Can we have a jokes thread?

Postby DeePeeNCAFC » May 10th, 2020, 3:03 pm

I don't have a lot of time for Cardiff City but have to say I warmed to them a little when I heard their act of generosity -

Apparently, the club have melted down all their trophies to provide the NHS with vital equipment. The Cardiff hospital trust have thanked the club for the new pair of tweezers
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neilcork68

Re: Can we have a jokes thread?

Postby neilcork68 » June 4th, 2020, 6:08 pm

Rang up my local Indian takeaway last night and asked them if they deliver...





Imagine my shock when they said ,'' No Sir , we only do BEEF , CHICKEN or LAMB.....we have no call for LIVER at this time''
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neilcork68

Re: Can we have a jokes thread?

Postby neilcork68 » June 4th, 2020, 6:13 pm

A guy and his date are parked out in the country away from town, when they start kissing and fondling each other. Just then, the girl stops and sits up. “What’s the matter?” asks the guy. She replies, “I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I’m actually a prostitute, and I charge £100 for sex.” The man thinks about it for a few seconds, but then reluctantly gets out two £50 pond notes, pays her, and they have sex.
After a cigarette, he just sits in the driver’s seat looking out the window. “Why aren’t we going anywhere?” asks the girl. “Well, I should have mentioned this before,” replies the man, “but I’m actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is £50.
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Stan A. Einstein

Re: Can we have a jokes thread?

Postby Stan A. Einstein » June 5th, 2020, 3:20 pm

neilcork68 wrote:A guy and his date are parked out in the country away from town, when they start kissing and fondling each other. Just then, the girl stops and sits up. “What’s the matter?” asks the guy. She replies, “I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I’m actually a prostitute, and I charge £100 for sex.” The man thinks about it for a few seconds, but then reluctantly gets out two £50 pond notes, pays her, and they have sex.
After a cigarette, he just sits in the driver’s seat looking out the window. “Why aren’t we going anywhere?” asks the girl. “Well, I should have mentioned this before,” replies the man, “but I’m actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is £50.


Neal,
That's the first joke of yours that me laugh. Only a little chuckle I grant you, but a chuckle nonetheless.
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DeePeeNCAFC

Re: Can we have a jokes thread?

Postby DeePeeNCAFC » June 9th, 2020, 4:29 pm

Had a painter & decorator round today. He’s a currently furloughed Virgin Atlantic Pilot.

He made a lovely job of the landing.....
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DeePeeNCAFC

Re: Can we have a jokes thread?

Postby DeePeeNCAFC » June 16th, 2020, 9:19 pm

traffic police in Liverpool pull over a local lad in his car for a spot check.

They were amazed to find the car was taxed, insured and had a valid MOT.

It wasn't stolen, there were no contaband goods or drugs found anywhere in the car.

The driver was stone cold sober and had a clean, full driving license.

He was given an on the spot £80 fine .... for wasting police time.
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Willthiswork

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Moderator

Re: Can we have a jokes thread?

Postby Willthiswork » June 17th, 2020, 12:09 pm

I think that I just heard some thunder, although the way 2020 is shaping up it could just as easy be Godzilla making his way down the M4.
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mad norm

Location

In a Station Lane not as long as Warnhams

Re: Can we have a jokes thread?

Postby mad norm » June 18th, 2020, 8:30 am

Willthiswork wrote:I think that I just heard some thunder, although the way 2020 is shaping up it could just as easy be Godzilla making his way down the M4.

It was Doris....she suffers terrible flatulance after cauliflower cheese
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Frank Nouble 3

Re: Can we have a jokes thread?

Postby Frank Nouble 3 » June 19th, 2020, 8:15 am

Apologies

Their will be a minutes clap and applause for Dame Vera but.

"Don't know where or don't know when"
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Willthiswork

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Moderator

Re: Can we have a jokes thread?

Postby Willthiswork » June 22nd, 2020, 8:47 am

My local football team are so bad, I went to the turnstiles, handed over £20 and said 2 please. The attendant then said “ what do you want. Attackers or midfielders?”
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