Can we have a jokes thread?

If it ain't amber or ain't football then it belongs here!
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Exile 1976

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Re: Can we have a jokes thread?

Postby Exile 1976 » May 29th, 2019, 2:06 pm

Woman goes to the doctors with a massive hole where her vagina should be.
“Whoooa, what happened here” asked the doc,
“I had sex with an elephant” she replies.
“I know elephants have big penises but not like that” he says,
“Ah but he fingered me first” :lol:

That’s not old, that’s gold.
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UPTHEPORT

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Re: Can we have a jokes thread?

Postby UPTHEPORT » May 29th, 2019, 3:42 pm

I went to the doctors with a mole on my old boy yesterday

He said he would remove it this time but next time hes getting the RSPCA involved :shock:
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newgroundrodney

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Re: Can we have a jokes thread?

Postby newgroundrodney » May 29th, 2019, 3:50 pm

Owen Money's classic:
Man goes into a Doctor's surgery and says,"Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a pig". Doctor asked him, "how long have you thought you're a pig?"......"oink, oink, about a weeeeek!"
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gazza

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Re: Can we have a jokes thread?

Postby gazza » May 29th, 2019, 8:56 pm

I bought a litre of Tipp-Ex yesterday. Huge mistake
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DeePeeNCAFC

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Re: Can we have a jokes thread?

Postby DeePeeNCAFC » May 30th, 2019, 10:58 pm

Why is Mickey Mouse's helicopter no use in Scotland?

Disneyland.
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penycwm county

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Re: Can we have a jokes thread?

Postby penycwm county » May 31st, 2019, 7:13 am

“Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels.”
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pembsexile

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Re: Can we have a jokes thread?

Postby pembsexile » May 31st, 2019, 10:07 am

Not a joke. Anyone know any good darts jokes? Got to do a trophy presentation speech tomorrow night and a good darts joke would be great.
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Willthiswork

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Re: Can we have a jokes thread?

Postby Willthiswork » May 31st, 2019, 11:36 am

pembsexile wrote:Not a joke. Anyone know any good darts jokes? Got to do a trophy presentation speech tomorrow night and a good darts joke would be great.


I was sat at the computer the other night when my wife asked me what I was doing?
"I'm looking for cheap flights", I said.
"I love you" she said. She then got all excited, giving me a big kiss!
The strange thing is she had never shown any interest in darts before!

or

I fancied a game of darts with my mate. He said, 'Nearest the bull goes first'. He went 'Baah' and I went 'Moo.'
He said, 'You're closest.'
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Exile 1976

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Re: Can we have a jokes thread?

Postby Exile 1976 » May 31st, 2019, 11:48 am

How many darters does it take to change a lightbulb ?
Onnnnnnnnne hunnnnnnnnndred and eiiiiiiiiiiightyyyyyyy
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penycwm county

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Re: Can we have a jokes thread?

Postby penycwm county » May 31st, 2019, 11:50 am

I used to play darts with my best mate Pete until his head went blunt !
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pembsexile

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Re: Can we have a jokes thread?

Postby pembsexile » May 31st, 2019, 4:48 pm

Couple of good ones there. I may be able to use them. Ta.
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DeePeeNCAFC

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Re: Can we have a jokes thread?

Postby DeePeeNCAFC » May 31st, 2019, 9:47 pm

Whats the difference between Mansfield Town FC and my willy? My willy can make it past a semi.
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DeePeeNCAFC

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Re: Can we have a jokes thread?

Postby DeePeeNCAFC » May 31st, 2019, 9:50 pm

2 Mexicans are stuck in the desert starving.

In the distance they see a tree.

As they get nearer, they see it is draped with rashers of juicy bacon.

"Hey look, Pedro", says Juan, "Ees a bacon tree! We're saved".

Juan runs to the tree but before he gets there he is suddenly gunned down in a hail of bullets.

With his dying breath he shouts back: "Run Pedro! Ees no a bacon tree! Ees a ham bush".
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DeePeeNCAFC

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Re: Can we have a jokes thread?

Postby DeePeeNCAFC » June 1st, 2019, 10:23 pm

Was watching TV at home tonight, heard some noises outside and looked out the window to see some Spurs supporters playing football with a hedgehog.

Was gonna call the RSPCA but then the hedgehog went 1-0 up.
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mad norm

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Re: Can we have a jokes thread?

Postby mad norm » June 5th, 2019, 1:33 pm

Hear the local Origami business has folded
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