What’s the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi?
The people in Dubai don’t like the Flintstones but the people in Abu Dhabi do
Re: Can we have a jokes thread?
152All these people working extra hours making toilet rolls! do they get paid overtime or time in loo?
Re: Can we have a jokes thread?
153So I met this fella yesterday. He says to me'
"Stan I was a big pop star back in the 1980's, I sang Stand and Deliver."
I didn't believe him but he was adamant..
Adam Ant, oh please yourselves.
"Stan I was a big pop star back in the 1980's, I sang Stand and Deliver."
I didn't believe him but he was adamant..
Adam Ant, oh please yourselves.
Re: Can we have a jokes thread?
154I had some sad news today. After 7 years of medical training, my good friend has been struck off after one very minor indiscretion.
He slept with one of his patients and now he can no longer work in the job he loves.
What a waste of time, training and money.
A genuinely nice guy, and a brilliant vet.
He slept with one of his patients and now he can no longer work in the job he loves.
What a waste of time, training and money.
A genuinely nice guy, and a brilliant vet.
Re: Can we have a jokes thread?
155What's got 8 teeth and is 200 feet long?
The queue outside Cwmbran Asda today.
The queue outside Cwmbran Asda today.
Re: Can we have a jokes thread?
156I don't have a lot of time for Cardiff City but have to say I warmed to them a little when I heard their act of generosity -
Apparently, the club have melted down all their trophies to provide the NHS with vital equipment. The Cardiff hospital trust have thanked the club for the new pair of tweezers
Apparently, the club have melted down all their trophies to provide the NHS with vital equipment. The Cardiff hospital trust have thanked the club for the new pair of tweezers
Re: Can we have a jokes thread?
157Rang up my local Indian takeaway last night and asked them if they deliver...
Imagine my shock when they said ,'' No Sir , we only do BEEF , CHICKEN or LAMB.....we have no call for LIVER at this time''
Imagine my shock when they said ,'' No Sir , we only do BEEF , CHICKEN or LAMB.....we have no call for LIVER at this time''
Re: Can we have a jokes thread?
158A guy and his date are parked out in the country away from town, when they start kissing and fondling each other. Just then, the girl stops and sits up. “What’s the matter?” asks the guy. She replies, “I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I’m actually a prostitute, and I charge £100 for sex.” The man thinks about it for a few seconds, but then reluctantly gets out two £50 pond notes, pays her, and they have sex.
After a cigarette, he just sits in the driver’s seat looking out the window. “Why aren’t we going anywhere?” asks the girl. “Well, I should have mentioned this before,” replies the man, “but I’m actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is £50.
After a cigarette, he just sits in the driver’s seat looking out the window. “Why aren’t we going anywhere?” asks the girl. “Well, I should have mentioned this before,” replies the man, “but I’m actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is £50.
Re: Can we have a jokes thread?
159Neal,neilcork68 wrote:A guy and his date are parked out in the country away from town, when they start kissing and fondling each other. Just then, the girl stops and sits up. “What’s the matter?” asks the guy. She replies, “I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I’m actually a prostitute, and I charge £100 for sex.” The man thinks about it for a few seconds, but then reluctantly gets out two £50 pond notes, pays her, and they have sex.
After a cigarette, he just sits in the driver’s seat looking out the window. “Why aren’t we going anywhere?” asks the girl. “Well, I should have mentioned this before,” replies the man, “but I’m actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is £50.
That's the first joke of yours that me laugh. Only a little chuckle I grant you, but a chuckle nonetheless.
Re: Can we have a jokes thread?
160Had a painter & decorator round today. He’s a currently furloughed Virgin Atlantic Pilot.
He made a lovely job of the landing.....
He made a lovely job of the landing.....
Re: Can we have a jokes thread?
161traffic police in Liverpool pull over a local lad in his car for a spot check.
They were amazed to find the car was taxed, insured and had a valid MOT.
It wasn't stolen, there were no contaband goods or drugs found anywhere in the car.
The driver was stone cold sober and had a clean, full driving license.
He was given an on the spot £80 fine .... for wasting police time.
They were amazed to find the car was taxed, insured and had a valid MOT.
It wasn't stolen, there were no contaband goods or drugs found anywhere in the car.
The driver was stone cold sober and had a clean, full driving license.
He was given an on the spot £80 fine .... for wasting police time.
Re: Can we have a jokes thread?
162I think that I just heard some thunder, although the way 2020 is shaping up it could just as easy be Godzilla making his way down the M4.
Re: Can we have a jokes thread?
163It was Doris....she suffers terrible flatulance after cauliflower cheeseWillthiswork wrote:I think that I just heard some thunder, although the way 2020 is shaping up it could just as easy be Godzilla making his way down the M4.
Re: Can we have a jokes thread?
164Apologies
Their will be a minutes clap and applause for Dame Vera but.
"Don't know where or don't know when"
Their will be a minutes clap and applause for Dame Vera but.
"Don't know where or don't know when"
Re: Can we have a jokes thread?
165My local football team are so bad, I went to the turnstiles, handed over £20 and said 2 please. The attendant then said “ what do you want. Attackers or midfielders?”
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