Can we have a jokes thread?

If it ain't amber or ain't football then it belongs here!
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neilcork68

Re: Can we have a jokes thread?

Postby neilcork68 » September 26th, 2020, 1:34 pm

How many times can you subtract 10 from 100?
Once. The next time you would be subtracting 10 from 90.



Hear about the new restaurant called Karma?
There’s no menu: You get what you deserve.






Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboards?
He was just going through a stage.







Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut?
He just needed a little space.






A man tells his doctor, “Doc, help me. I’m addicted to Twitter!”
The doctor replies, “Sorry, I don’t follow you…”






Why should the number 288 never be mentioned?
It’s two gross.
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UPTHEPORT

Location

The Republic of Malpas

Re: Can we have a jokes thread?

Postby UPTHEPORT » September 27th, 2020, 5:57 am

Kardiff City
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Willthiswork

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Moderator

Re: Can we have a jokes thread?

Postby Willthiswork » October 12th, 2020, 10:09 am

I can't believe how rude the Suppository Helpline was...
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UPTHEPORT

Location

The Republic of Malpas

Re: Can we have a jokes thread?

Postby UPTHEPORT » October 16th, 2020, 5:55 pm

A man boarded an aircraft at London 's Heathrow Airport for New York , and taking his seat as he settled in, he noticed a very beautiful woman boarding the plane.
He realised she was heading straight toward his seat and bingo - she took the seat right beside him.

"Hello", he blurted out, "Business trip or vacation?"

She turned, smiled enchantingly and said, "Business. I'm going to the annual nymphomaniac convention in the United States ..."

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting for nymphomaniacs!

Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?"

"Lecturer," she responded,” I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.."

"Really", he smiled, "what myths are those?"

"Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well endowed when, in fact, it's the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait.
Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Greek descent.
We have also found that the best potential lovers in all categories are the Irish."

Suddenly the woman became uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said. "I really shouldn't be discussing this with you, I don't even know your name!"
"Tonto," the man said. "Tonto Papadopoulos, but my friends call me Paddy."
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pembsexile

Location

Sunny and warm Pembrokeshire

Re: Can we have a jokes thread?

Postby pembsexile » October 16th, 2020, 7:54 pm

Hope I haven’t posted these before!

Did you hear about the Irishman that thought Sherlock Holmes was a block of flats.

Or the Irish, (Welsh, whatever) who thought that Sheffield Wednesday was a public holiday.

Or, even, the Irishman that thought that Man Utd was a football team. Touché. From a Liverpool fan. Cue the Scouser jokes.
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neilcork68

Re: Can we have a jokes thread?

Postby neilcork68 » October 19th, 2020, 10:54 am

What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom? One snatches your watch. The other watches your snatch.
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mad norm

Location

In a Station Lane not as long as Warnhams

Re: Can we have a jokes thread?

Postby mad norm » October 19th, 2020, 5:40 pm

neilcork68 wrote:What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom? One snatches your watch. The other watches your snatch.

Terrible joke...made me crease up :bounce:
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