What do you call two monkeys that share an Amazon account?


Prime-mates.

went to mountain warehouse back in January and noticed they had a sale on, it was their 'winter of discount tents'...

I used to think that drinking was bad for me






I stopped thinking



Problem solved

I have been buying a lot of Alcohol lately when I go shopping






I hope I am not turning into a shopaholic

With the extreme heat the are experiencing in Southern Europe they have to be thankful it isn't snowing


Imagine shovelling snow in that heat

My sister took going to jail very badly,

She refused all offers of food and drink

Swore and spat at guards or anyone who came near her
and rubbed her own faeces all over the walls in protest of her belief of a miscarriage of justice

That's the last time we ever played Monopoly in our house as kids

I gave my friend a lovely compliment about their mostache and their goatee beard . I said it's coming on lovely and really compliments their face.







Now my friend Sarah isn't talking to me

Mens Helpline Letter Of The Week


Hi John ,

I write to you because I have a serious problem.
For weeks now I have suspected that my wife maybe having an affair and cheating on me . You know the usual things .
The phone rings , she picks it up , checks the number then hangs up whilst blushing.
She is starting to go out with 'the girls' a few evenings a week and coming home at all hours.
Sleeping in the spare room so she doesn't disturb me when she comes home .
Hanging out her sexy underwear on the line even though we haven't made love for weeks.

Anyway last night she went out and said she would be home about midnight.
I thought , ' I will catch her out' so I hid behind the boat parked on my drive and waited for her return.

Midnight came around and a car pulled up, she got out giggling and her buttons on her blouse were all done up wrong and she was struggling to put her knickers back on because she's obviously had a few to drink.

It was at this point I noticed that there was a hairline crack in the outboard engine mounting bracket. Is that something I can weld or will I have to replace it ?

I'm a feminist...

I firmly believe my wife has a right to decide for herself what to cook me for my dinner

Boss to Employee ; 'do you believe in life after death ?'

Employee ; ' Of course not there is no proof of it ever happening, so I don't believe it..'

Boss ; ' Are you sure ?'

Employee ; ' Yes of course I am , Why ?'

Boss; ' Well after you left early yesterday to go to your Uncle Dave's funeral he came into the office looking for you'

neilcork68 wrote: July 24th, 2023, 9:13 pm Boss to Employee ; 'do you believe in life after death ?'

Employee ; ' Of course not there is no proof of it ever happening, so I don't believe it..'

Boss ; ' Are you sure ?'

Employee ; ' Yes of course I am , Why ?'

Boss; ' Well after you left early yesterday to go to your Uncle Dave's funeral yesterday he came into the office looking for you'

Not a joke but Stephen Ireland lied about family bereavements to get out of playing - https://www.theguardian.com/football/20 ... ory.sport4

Why don’t ants get sick?

Because they have little anty bodies.

Albert Einstein was a genius.... everyone agrees with that.





His brother Frank on the other hand was a monster

My wife rang me last night and told me she was in Casualty.


I have watched it three times so far and I haven't seen her.


It's now 4am and she hasn't come home to explain herself ....