I was driving home today when I spotted an AA van driving in the slow lane. As I passed him I could see the driver sobbing uncontrollably.

I thought "That man’s heading for a breakdown"

DeePeeNCAFC wrote: November 2nd, 2021, 9:59 pm I went to the doctors with a lettuce stuck up my bum.
All he did was put a dressing on it!

That's just the tip of the iceberg

I just rang up my local paper to put in an advert to sell something.....

"It's £40 per inch" , was the response I received......






Blooming heck........... I have a 40 foot ladder to sell.....

neilcork68 wrote: November 5th, 2021, 9:18 pm

DeePeeNCAFC wrote: November 2nd, 2021, 9:59 pm I went to the doctors with a lettuce stuck up my bum.
All he did was put a dressing on it!

That's just the tip of the iceberg

I'm sure we can get "Round" this without having to dress your "Little Gems'

I went to watch a game of football at Wembley Stadium...

Finally I found my seat only to find out there was a skull on it..

"Excuse me mate, " I asked the guy sitting in the seat next to it, "Do you know anything about the skull?"

"Oh yes, that's the skull of William Shakespeare.. Its for sale for £100 if you want to buy it"

Being slightly the worse for wear under the influence of a lot of beer been consumed, I bought it.


Anyway several weeks later I was back in the Wembley area and went to a Boot Sale.
Walking around the Boot Sale I noticed the same guy trying to sell a much smaller skull on his stall...
"Oh you've got another skull for sale', I said to him,
" Who's skull is this and how much?, I asked

"It's William Shakespeare's and £100" He replied.

"You tried that with me at Wembley and I fell for it then ' I replied.

" Ah yes, but this is his skull when he was a child"was his response













I didn't buy it.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/60059524

I hope I’ve pasted that link correctly?

Look at the Chelsea Womens’ scorers in their cup match against West Ham last night…..it reads like an order BoJo might have given to his ‘friend’ at Eton!

Jurgen Klopp, Ralf Rangnick, Brendan Rodgers and Mikel Arteta walk into a pub

Jurgen bought them all a drink. Once they had finished, Rangnick got a round in. Then Arteta put his hand in his pocket. Then Brendan Rodgers got the beers in.

Once they'd all consumed 4 beers, Klopp went to the bar, bought a drink for himself only, and sat at the table. They all looked at him before Rangnick said "Excuse me Jurgen. What about us?"

Klopp looked at them and said, "Sorry lads. This is the fifth round and none of you are in it."

I was comfort eating all weekend and now my breath stinks of fabric softener.

I'm supposed to be watching my weight and the pennies but still treated myself to a Chinese takeaway last night - my wife accused me of wonton decadence...

I'll get my coat...

10 things I hate;
1) lists

Good Evening.

Heard this on radio, apologies if not new…

Man goes into the Library and asks the librarian for a book on tortoises. “Hardback? “ she asks…

“Yeah” he says…
“ with little heads” ……..

Phil in Northampton

Not a joke, but topical. The Ukrainian President was photographed yesterday trying to get into a jeep to visit more troops on the front line. He couldn’t get in the front passenger seat because his balls were too big.

A woman went into Newport police station to report a flasher in a car next to her at the traffic lights - 'sorry to hear that madam - was he in a state of arousal' - 'er no officer - an Audi'

I went to watch comedian Gary Delaney tonight, the guy is really good at one-liners…..

I read Josef Fritzl’s autobiography this week, it’s going to be a big seller.