What's the only part of a vegetable you can't eat?


The wheelchair.

"Give it to me! Give it to me!" she yelled. "I'm so wet, give it to me now!" She could scream all she wanted, but I was keeping the umbrella.




Who's the most popular guy at the nudist colony? The one who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts.





"I bet you can't tell me something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time," a husband says to his wife. She thinks about it for a moment and then responds, "Your penis is bigger than your brother's."




My grief counsellor died. He was so good, I don’t even care.



My girlfriend’s dog died, so I bought her another, identical one. She just screamed at me and said: “What am I meant to do with two dead dogs?!?”

DeePeeNCAFC wrote: February 2nd, 2023, 6:52 pm https://www.foxestalk.co.uk/uploads/mon ... e46880.jpg

At least they tried
Could've put a vole or a cockapoo there

Todays latest post from Chairman Dripford and his cronies about road improvements ( or lack of ) in Wales

How can anyone with half a brain think that a rural country like Wales can have Public Transport as the answer to the problems the infrastructure has ?

Woman had cosmetic surgery on her fanny to reduce her rather large fleshy bits
Recovering well in hospital she was given three red roses
One with love from her husband
Two from her surgeon wishing her well
And a third from a guy in the burns unit thanking her for his new ears

"I just came across my wife’s Tinder profile and I’m so angry about her lies.



She is not “fun to be around.”"

Two-year-old spits food on the floor

Wife: We don’t spit! If it’s in your mouth you swallow it.

Husband: *raises eyebrows*

Wife: You shut up!

A child kills a butterfly.
Father says, “No butter for two weeks!”
The child kills a honeybee.
Father says, “No honey for two weeks!”
Mom kills a cockroach.
The child turns to his Father and says, “Are you gonna tell her or should I do it?”

A woman was sitting in her kitchen drinking her coffee......
A few minutes past and she heard her front door bell ring....she got up and went to answer the door...
When she opened the door there was a strange man standing outside who spoke to her....." Do you have a vagina ?"........in disgust she slammed the door in his face..

This happened the next morning.......then the next morning and the next.

Feeling worried and scared by this she told her husband of her fears.....
" Don't worry Darling , I will have a day off work tomorrow and see if he turns up again and sort him out.....

Anyway , next morning they were both sitting at their kitchen table drinking coffee when there was a knock on the door..
" Don't worry love , go to the door and answer it , if it's the same guy and he asks you the same question say yes and I will know it's him and sort it out"

"Do you have a vagina ? " asks the visitor.

"Yes , I do have a vagina " she answers.

Just before her husband was about to confront the visitor at the door the visitor replied , " Well please tell your husband to use yours and leave my wife's alone."