DeePeeNCAFC wrote:

JonD wrote:That's gone right over my head.

Did you Google it Jon? I don’t think I can post a screenshot on here of the Google result - it’s genuine rather than a joke but the result is quite funny, unless you’re a Spurs fan!

Ah, got it now.

Never saw it the first time I tried.

Man asks doctor "Can you give me anything for rapid hair loss"?
The doctor suggested a shoe box

The wife just told me she's leaving because of my obsession with Supermarkets.

I said "Would you like any help with your packing?"

Dr asked me what my pre bedtime ritual was, i told him a cup of horlicks and half a viagra, why this he asked i replied one to help me sleep the other to stop me rolling out of bed.

Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra. The police put out an alert to be on the lookout for the two hardened criminals.


They say that during sex you burn off as many calories as running eight miles. Who the hell runs eight miles in 30 seconds?


A woman walks out of the shower, winks at her boyfriend, and says, "Honey, I shaved myself down there. Do you know what that means?" The boyfriend says, "Yeah, it means the drain is clogged again."



What do you call a cheap circumcision? A rip-off!



Why is diarrhoea hereditary? It runs in your genes!




How is sex like a game of bridge? If you have a great hand, you don't need a partner.

Good to see you (and your cheesy jokes) back Neil!

Best wishes

On a small island in the south Pacific a lone Japanese soldier, Mr Soto Amamoto 103 years of age was broken hearted today finding out that the second world war was over and that his lone stand had been in vain. His first question was what had happened to the Emperor Hirohito. On being told he had been dead for over 40 years he nearly broke down. He then asked was Hitler still in charge in Germany, only to be told he had been dead for 76 years. How about Churchill he then asked, is he still in charge in Britain? Again only to been shocked that Churchill had died nearly 60 years previously. Desperate to find some continuity he finally asked, Jimmy Anderson, still opening the bowling for England.

I tried to log onto the WeightWatchers web site last night........It said I had to accept 'COOKIES'


I dont know about you but I think thats a test

Notting Hill carnival cancelled again.
Never mind you can recreate the whole experience in your own home.
Simply bang some saucepans together for 16 hrs, give a total stranger your wallet, sh!t in your garden and then stab yourself

I need everyone to wish me luck.

I've a meeting at the bank later, and if all goes well I will be out of debt.

I'm so excited I can barely put on my ski mask.

How do you turn a Duck into a Soul singer

Stick him in microwave for two minutes he's Bill Withers

Bonnie Tyler's new video of goalkeeping blunders is great. It's totally clips of Joe Hart.

I attended a seminar recently and was asked to list 10 sexual innuendos.

I accidentally wrote down 11 so had to rub one out.

JonD wrote:I attended a seminar recently and was asked to list 10 sexual innuendos.

I accidentally wrote down 11 so had to rub one out.

On a similar note, I was in a cocktail bar recently and asked the waitress to make me a double entendre.

She said "Certainly sir, I'll happily give you one."