I had to choose between going to see the new James Bond film, or visiting my friend in Wales.
I chose the new James Bond film, after all I could always see Dai another day.

DeePeeNCAFC wrote:I had to choose between going to see the new James Bond film, or visiting my friend in Wales.
I chose the new James Bond film, after all I could always see Dai another day.

For about the third time in 240 posts a joke that made me laugh.

My therapist told me that you can let out all your anger by writing letters about everyone you hate and then burn them.
But he hasn't told me if I should keep the letters.....

I used to be a pervert. I was really into Necrophilia, beastiality and sadism. I eventually came to the conclusion I was flogging a dead horse.

This is where you get creative! Print and sell digitally the 'Newport County Messageboard Joke book.' Free Content, perhaps a volunteer can organise it?

We came from dust,
We return to dust
That's why I don't dust.....it could be someone I know

mad norm wrote: October 13th, 2021, 9:10 am We came from dust,
We return to dust
That's why I don't dust.....it could be someone I know

A blonde and a brunette talking, the brunette says i see christmas is on a friday this year the blonde reply's christ i hope its not the 13th.

Two fish are in a tank.....One turns to the other one and says ' how do you drive this thing ?'


A farmer had a three legged pig and his neighbour asked him why the pig had only three legs. "Well, I'll tell you" the farmer replied. "One day I was ploughing my field and the tractor turned over and pinned me underneath. That pig ran for help. He saved my life". "Oh, that's how he lost his leg?" the neighbour drawled. "No. One night my wife and I were sound asleep and the house caught on fire. That pig woke us up. He saved our lives!" "So that's how he lost his leg", stated the neighbour. "No, that wasn't it" the farmer affirmed. Exasperated, the neighbour demanded "Then how did he lose his leg?" and the farmer replied, "When you have a pig that good, you don't eat him all at once!"


A blonde and a brunette worked in a factory. The brunette says, "I know how to get some time off from work!" "How?" asks the blonde. "Watch this," says the brunette. She climbs up to the rafter and hangs upside down. The boss walks in, sees her and says, "What on earth are you doing?" "I'm a light bulb," she answers. "I think you need some time off," says the boss so she jumps down and walks out. The blonde starts walking out, too. "Where are YOU going?" says the boss. The blonde replies, "I can't work in the dark!"

In an attempt to get this to the top, and move the crap down, here’s a bad joke…..


100 years ago 'everyone' owned a horse, only the rich owned a car.
Now'everyone' owns a car, only the rich own a horse.
How the stables have turned!

Stevie Wonder is playing his first ever gig in China and the place is packed to the rafters.
In a bid to break the ice, he asks if anyone has a request.
One chap jumps out of his seat in the 1st row and shouts at the top of his voice, Play a jazz chord! Play a jazz chord!"
Amazed that this guy knows about the jazz influences in his career, Stevie starts to play an ‘e’ minor scale and then goes into a difficult jazz melody for about 10 minutes.
When he finishes the whole place goes wild.
The chap jumps out of his seat again and shouts "No, no, play a jazz chord, play a jazz chord!".
A bit cheesed off by this, Stevie, being the professional he is, dives straight in to a jazz improvisation with his band and really tears the place apart.
The crowd go ballistic with this impromptu show of his musical expertise, but still the little Chinese man jumps up again and shouts "No, no. Play a jazz chord, play a jazz chord!".
Stevie is really pissed off now that this chap doesn't seem to appreciate his playing ability and shouts to him from the stage, "OK smart arse, you get up here and do it".
The little bloke climbs onto the stage, takes hold of the mike and starts to sing...
"A jazz chord... to say... I ruv you..."

I have solved one of the world's great mysteries. Last Thursday I ordered a chicken and an egg on Amazon.

The egg came first.

Local upholstery factory had an employer shoot his boss 200 times with a staple gun....fortunately after a few days in hospital he's now fully recovered

I received a suspicious email from Google Earth saying “we can read maps backwards”.
I thought to myself, ‘that’s got to be spam’.

I went to the doctors with a lettuce stuck up my bum.
All he did was put a dressing on it!